Home, Sweet Home
by Salacassera
Summary: Two unearthly citizens of Neopia Central the Phantom and Mrs. Prenderghast are in danger of losing their homes, and get help from unexpected places.


Home, Sweet Home  
  
disclaimer: I do not own Neopets or any of the characters belonging to them. Most of the characters in this story are from Neodeck cards, such as Mrs. Prenderghast, the Phantom, Admiral Arvakis, Flutter, and Lord Luparn.  
  
March 21, 2004 - I wrote this before the Riyella card came out, so I totally screwed her up. I'm sorry about that! Turns out she's nothing like I thought she was at all...  
  
Everybody wants to move to Neopia Central. The land is cheap, the best shops are only a moment's walk away, and there aren't any of those nasty monsters roaming around - no lava ghouls or mutant grundos jumping you when you go to fetch the neomail.   
  
This is why the Happy Tuskaninny Developing Company decided to tear down the old, haunted mansion on the hill. It had been abandoned for as long as anybody could remember, and there was no reason why it shouldn't be destroyed to make way for a new house that somebody could actually live in. After that project was completed, they planned to get rid of that deserted chapel down the street. There were old stories saying that the mansion was inhabited by a ghost aisha who collected paintings, and that the chapel was the home of an insane chia who was jilted by his girlfriend, but who believed these stories anyway? The living, the people who needed new houses and were willing to pay for them, were the important thing.  
  
Well, those stories were true, and Mrs. Prenderghast was not a happy aisha when she found out that her home was going to be destroyed. She had been calmly sitting in her moldy drawing room, having tea, when there was a loud banging. It sounded like someone had been swatting at the front door with a sledgehammer. She figured that it was just another obnoxious prank, but decided to check it out once the noise stopped.  
  
Nailed to her door was a bright pink notice. It said, "We regretfully inform you that in ten days, this house will be nothing but dust. We are not responsible for any damage done to your belongings, because you should have the sense to move them before the wrecking crews arrive. - Happy Tuskaninny Development Company."  
  
Now, this was very unusual. Usually, the little urchins would just throw eggs at the windows, or the braver among them would actually sneak into her house and try to steal one of her paintings. Mrs. Prenderghast wasn't sure what to do about this new problem, so she decided to ignore it for the time being. If it really was a development company that was greedy for her land, surely they would leave another notice later on!  
  
It was a typical night for the Phantom. He was sitting in front of his enormous pipe organ, muttering to himself. He was getting tired of playing the same song over and over, but he had forgotten every other tune he knew years ago, and didn't want to go back out into the world again to buy some new sheet music. Who was he kidding, anyway? Riyella wasn't going to come back to him...she was probably dead by now! Why did he want her to return to him in the first place? She had left him to marry the richest man in town, a politician who could afford to buy her anything she desired. He was only a poor composer who lived in his neighbor's shed and had bought her a cheap plastic ring as an engagement present. No wonder she didn't want to spend the rest of her life with him...come to think of it, he didn't want to spend the rest of his life with him, either....still, it all went to show that Riyella was really nothing more than a money-grubbing witch!  
  
The Phantom suddenly began smashing his head onto the organ's keyboard. "What am I saying?!" he cried. "Riyella is an angel...angel...an ANGEL! It is I who does not deserve her! I must purge myself of these black thoughts!"  
  
The Phantom lifted his head up and returned to playing his song - that song he had written just for Riyella. It was a delicate melody, meant for the flute, and certainly not this old, horrorificly untuned organ. But he really didn't care. He stopped playing and turned to look at the faded portrait hanging on the wall...a portrait of who else, but his dear Riyella?  
  
Bang! Bang! Bang! Someone was knocking on his door. The masked chia got up and went to see who it was. It certainly wasn't Riyella. But by the time he got there, whoever had been knocking was gone. All that was left was a pink sheet of paper on the door. He brought it inside, and sat back down on his bench, squinting. These stupid candles weren't nearly bright enough!  
  
"Aaargh!" the Phantom howled, tearing the notice into little bits and stomping on them. "Riyella, this is your doing! I know it!"  
  
He stopped and took a deep breath. "What is wrong with me today?!" Riyella would never do a thing like this...bright, gentle Riyella! But what was he to do? In ten days, his chapel would be no more.  
  
She couldn't do this to him! He would find a way to stop this! He turned back moodily to his organ, and tried to think.  
  
Five days passed, and Mrs. Prenderghast began to feel more and more worried. A second notice had not arrived yet, but she couldn't help but think that this was more than a stupid joke.  
  
"Uncle Lieo," said said aloud, to an oil portrait of a stuffy old lupe in a military uniform. "Whatever should I do?"  
  
She didn't get an answer, but there was a second knock on the door. With an intense feeling of dread, the aisha glided down to answer it. Maybe this was the second notice she was waiting for.  
  
It wasn't. Standing on her doorstep was the strangest chia she had ever seen. He was dressed in a tuxedo, with a dashing black cape to match. It was the kind of outfit that was just coming into style around the time that Mrs. Prenderghast died. But the oddest part of his outfit was the white mask that covered his face.   
  
"Greetings!" the chia said, with a deep bow.  
  
"Get out of here!" Mrs. Prenderghast snapped, about to slam the door in her visitor's face. "I do not welcome thieves and thrillseekers!"  
  
"Are you Mrs. Prenderghast?" the chia asked.  
  
The aisha stared. "Why...yes, I am." she replied. "What do you want from me? I am not going to sell you any of my paintings!"  
  
"Did you happen to get a pink notice nailed to your door, a piece of paper reading that your home was going to be destroyed?"  
  
"Yes, I did." Mrs. Prenderghast said. "Oh, my! So it isn't a nasty joke after all! What am I going to do?"  
  
"That is what I am trying to figure out." the chia said. "I am the Phantom. I live in the old chapel. We must do something about this!"  
  
"I agree," the ghost aisha said, and led her guest to her parlor. "But I have a major concern. See, I posess a rather...large number of paintings. They all hold a sentimental value to me. I have spent the past three hundred years defending them from wily art collecting thieves. But what am I going to do now? Where can I put them? I will never give them to those horrible people...but I do not want them to be destroyed, either. I don't know anyone I trust enough to take care of them..."  
  
"We need to think!" the Phantom said. The ghost aisha nodded sorrowfully.  
  
The armored lupe tried to look as brave as he could, and ignore the fact that his knees were knocking together. "This is the last village you will ever plunder, Count Jerkoff!" he yelled.  
  
The gigantic skeith looked up, a half-eaten babaa hanging out of his mouth. "And who're you?" he grunted.  
  
"My name is Lord Luparn!" the lupe shouted. What had he been thinking? This monster was so large that he, taller than the average lupe, even, had to crane his neck to see into its ugly face. It looked like it weighed at least five hundred pounds. If it as much as stepped on him, he would be a goner for sure! "Prepare to die!"  
  
"Idiot." the skeith spat out the remains of the babaa. "You're the one who's going to die,just like the other twenty fools who thought they stood a chance against me! I am the mighty Lord Jerkoff and you're history!"  
  
Lord Luparn barely had time to draw his iron sword, before the skeith swatted at him with one beefy fist. The lupe jumped out of the way. It was the most he could do to keep dodging the beast's attacks, and he hadn't been able to get a slash in edgewise.   
  
The fight continued on in this same manner, until the sun finally began rising back into the sky. Luparn had finally managed to nick at the nightmarish skeith, at least twelve times, but none of the wounds seemed to bother Jerkoff a bit. Luparn was so exhausted from moving in his heavy suit of armor that he hardly had the strength to hold his sword. The skeith cornered his opponent against the wall of an old barn that had been full of lots of tasty chickens and cows.  
  
"Hahahahahahahahah!" the evil skeith laughed. No villian in all of Meridell - no, make that all of Neopia - had an evil laugh quite like his. "No one can stop me now! After this, I'm heading to the next village!"  
  
Lord Luparn knew it was all over now. There was only one warrior left in all of Meridell who could defeat this vile creature, and that was -   
  
In ran another armored lupe. "Have at thee, Jerkoff!" the newcomer cried. Luparn collapsed against the wall of the barn, struggling to regain his breath.  
  
The skeith, irritated at being interrupted, turned on him, raising one beefy paw. "What is it with all the annoying adventurers today?" he asked mockingly. "Who do you think you are, and why would you possibly fare better than this imbicile?"  
  
"I think you know who I am," the lupe said, as he pulled his sword out of its sheath. He lunged at the evil skeith, and the second fight began. The new lupe's skills were far more superior to Lord Luparn's, and he easily found openings in his opponent's defense. But even with all that, it took at least twenty minutes before the wounds the lupe inflicted even began to take effect on the massive skeith.  
  
"I...surrender..." the skeith gasped. "For now...I'll be back...when you least expect it! Hah..hahahah..."  
  
The skeith crawled off through the farm wreckage, towards the nearest swampy forest. Luparn walked over to the lupe, who was still kneeling on the ground.  
  
"Whoever you are," Lord Luparn said, "We - the people of this village and I - certainly owe you."  
  
"My name is Sir Borodere," the lupe said. Luparn stared.  
  
"The Sir Borodere?" he demanded. "Knight of King Skarl?!"  
  
"Exactly." Sir Borodere said. "Now that the war is over, I have the time to do things like this. That skeith will be back, but we'll be ready next time. Now I must go back and report to Skarl!"  
  
"Can't you take a little break first?" Luparn asked. "You're wounded."  
  
"This?" Jeran asked, prodding at his shoulder and wincing. "It's only a scratch! I'll be fine."  
  
"If you say so," Lord Luparn said doubtfully. "But I'm going with you."  
  
So they left the villagers to their repairs and headed to the castle.  
  
"Maybe we can start a petition," the Phantom suggested. He and Mrs. Prenderghast were still trying to think up a scheme to stop the developers, but without much luck.  
  
"That wouldn't work," the ghost aisha said. "As far as I can tell, our homes are the only ones they are planning to destroy! More tea?"  
  
"I hate to do this," said the Phantom, "but I see no other way. We really have no choice but to seek help from the outside world."  
  
"They'll just point and laugh at us!" Mrs. Prenderghast cried. "Those of them who believe we even exist, that is!"  
  
"Maybe we can convince people that our land is haunted, so no one would want to live here, and then the developers won't want to take it!" the Phantom said.  
  
"I don't think so," Mrs. Prenderghast said doubtfully.  
  
"Well, think of your own idea!" the Phantom snapped. Then he looked up sharply. "How much money do you have?"  
  
"That's none of your business!" the ghost aisha cried, aghast.  
  
"No, seriously." the masked chia said. "Maybe we can pay these devils the price of our property and they would go and bother someone else!"  
  
"That might work," Mrs. Prenderghast admitted. "I think that I still have money in the bank, but it may have gone to the government, due to these stupid inheritance laws. I didn't leave an heir, you know. How about you?"  
  
"I have nothing." the Phantom told her.  
  
"Can you do me a favor, then?" Mrs. Prenderghast asked.  
  
"Anything." the chia said.  
  
"Please go down to the bank and look into my account." she said. "I trust that you will not withdraw all of my neopoints and run off with them - that is, if I even have any. I would go myself, but it might cause a panic if a ghost aisha suddenly walked into the living peoples' midst."  
  
"I will be back," the Phantom said, and he set off.  
  
It was noontime before Jeran and Lord Luparn finally arrived at the gates of Meridell Castle. The place was in worse condition than Luparn remembered it being, undoubtedly due to the war. Sir Borodere led him into the throne room, where King Skarl sat, scowling.  
  
"You'd better not be another would-be court jester!" he snarled at them as they walked in. "I'm so sick of people coming in here and telling lousy jokes! Who cares where aren't another name for a school of acrobatic Acaras apart wanting from 2 Gallon Hatz?! Heck, it makes no sense to begin with!"   
  
The two lupe knights could see that the skeith was working himself into a frenzy, so they remained silent.  
  
"And d'you want to know what the answer was?!" he roared. "At a bottle of Mystery Island Acko mocha! That's the stupidest thing I've heard in my life! I have more important things to do! I'm a king, you know! A KING!"  
  
"Uh...you have guests, your Majesty." one of the draik guards pointed out meekly.   
  
"Don't you think I noticed already?!" Skarl snapped. "And where'd that idiot Jeran get to?! He left five hours ago!"  
  
"Maybe you should take a lunch break," another Draik piped up. "You're always in a better mood after eating something."  
  
"They don't call him the Grumpy Old King for nothing," the first Draik told Lord Luparn. "Maybe you should come back later."  
  
"I'm back, your Majesty." Sir Borodere said respectfully.   
  
"Did you get rid of that stupid skeith?" Skarl demanded.  
  
"No, sir. He ran away."  
  
"You little moron! Why didn't you finish him off while you had the chance?! That was the 13th village he's destroyed this week!"  
  
"I have reason to believe that Count Jerkoff is working for a higher power," Jeran continued, ignoring Skarl's outburst. "I think it wiser to keep him alive until we find more information on who his boss might be."  
  
"Darigan, obviously!" Skarl snapped.   
  
"...Jerkoff was a thorn in our side before this whole mess with the orb." the second Draik said.   
  
"Whatever! Tomorrow I want you to go out there and find out, you hear?" Skarl ordered.  
  
"Yes, your Majesty!" Jeran said enthusiastically. "I'll start on it right away!"  
  
Sir Borodere turned to leave the throne room, but the wounds gotten from fighting the evil skeith that morning had finally taken their toll, and the lupe knight fell to the ground with a loud "clunk." Lord Luparn shook his head in dismay.  
  
"Now what are we going to do?!" he demanded.  
  
Skarl shrugged. "How am I supposed to know?"  
  
"I heard that there's a really good hospital in Neopia Central," a third Draik guard said. "Go bring him there and I'm sure he'll be better in no time!"  
  
Lord Luparn had never left Meridell in his life, because life in the medieval kingdom was taxing enough without adding elements from places with awful names like Tyrannia and Virtuapets Space Station. But he could think of nothing else to do, so he slung Jeran over his shoulder and headed out. That's how they got involved in this whole mess.   
  
Flutter was an unusual aisha. She had fallen into the Rainbow Pool when she was a baby, so she had a special ability no other neopet had - she was able to change her color whenever she pleased. Of course, when news of her accident was published in the Neopian Times, other pets who were jealous of her power and wanted it for themselves would go and dive into the Rainbow Pool, but for some reason, it never seemed to work for them. Since it was an especially fine spring day, Flutter chose to be a Rainbow aisha. She was sitting on a park bench outside the Guild Headquarters, reading a copy of "Falling Leaves", when an odd sight caught her eye.  
  
Walking down the path was the oddest chia she had ever seen, dressed in a black cape and wearing a white mask. She closed her book, opened her faerie wings (they were always with her, no matter what color she happened to be - even ghost) and flew over to him.  
  
"Hello," she said cheerfully. "Are you lost?"  
  
"No," the Phantom said, staring at the beautiful aisha. Everyone else he met had been careful to keep their distance from him.   
  
"Really?" Flutter asked. "You don't look too sure."  
  
"I'm looking for the Bank." the Phantom admitted.   
  
"It's that building over there, the one that looks like a safe." Flutter said, pointing.  
  
"Oh. Thank you kindly." the Phantom couldn't help but be snippy to beautiful aishas, because they reminded him of Riyella so much. He turned to go to the Bank, but stopped in his tracks when he realized that Flutter was following him. "Where do you think you are going?" he asked.  
  
"Making sure you get there all right." Flutter replied. "Come on."  
  
The Phantom shrugged and joined the long line of pets and owners who were waiting to withdraw or deposit neopoints. Some just wanted to collect their interest - a procedure that took less than two minutes. They were also the ones who were getting impatient. Half an hour passed before it was finally the Phantom's turn.  
  
"I'd like to look into Mrs. Prenderghast's account, please," he said.  
  
"Do you have the password?" the suave skeith teller asked him.  
  
"Uh..." the Phantom felt like smacking himself upside the head. Of all things to forget! "No."  
  
"Then I can't let you in." the skeith said. "Move aside and let the next customer in, please."  
  
"But - "  
  
"I know where Mrs. Prenderghast lives!" Flutter chirped. "I'll go get it!"  
  
"Will you please step aside," the skeith asked the Phantom.  
  
"No! Then I'll have to wait another forty-five minutes!" the musician said.  
  
"What's the holdup?!" pets who had just entered and joined the non-moving line cried.  
  
"MOVE!" the skeith snapped at the Phantom, who really saw no other options open to him. He meekly moved to the right and sat on the tiled floor, waiting for Flutter to come back.  
  
Flutter knew Mrs. Prenderghast quite well, ever since that accident with the Rainbow Pool. When she had been little, the other neopets had always made fun of her - as was inevitable for anybody who was even a little bit different, never mind able to do something as fantastic as Flutter. As a result, Flutter had often just kept her color as an ordinary red aisha, the color she had been before falling into the Rainbow Pool. Once, her tormentors were bothering her so much that she had ran into the nearest house she could find - an creaky, old mansion that was rumored to be haunted. Flutter had been afraid, but to a young mind like hers, anything had to be better.   
  
It had been getting dark, and that had just added to the creepy atmosphere of the old home. The walls had been covered in the most beutiful paintings she had ever seen. She wandered through the dust-covered halls, admiring the works of art that hung around her, because they made her feel less afraid. She had been looking at a picture of the Hidden Tower, when a voice behind her caused her to jump.  
  
"I've caught you, tresspasser! Get out of my house!"  
  
Little Flutter had turned around and squeaked in fright. Standing behind her was the ghost of a dead aisha! The place really was haunted after all! "...I...I'm just..." Flutter stammered. "I didn't b-break anything! Honest! Don't make me go back outside - they'll get me!"  
  
"Who'll get you?" the ghost asked.  
  
"Timmy and his group of bullies," Flutter explained. "They're always teasing me for being different!"  
  
"Timmy, you say? I remember him egging my house once or twice, smashing a couple windows...and how could a sweet little aisha like you be different?"  
  
"I have wings," Flutter said. "And I can change colors whenever I want."  
  
Just to demonstrate, Flutter closed her eyes and concentrated on becoming a ghost aisha, just like the one in front of her. "See?"  
  
"My, what a wonderful gift!" the ghost aisha said. "No wonder they're all jealous of you."  
  
Flutter wondered why the ghost was being nice to her. She was about to change back into a red aisha, but decided to become something flashier, a Gold aisha. "Why are you being nice to me?" she asked aloud. "Aren't ghosts supposed to hate living folk?"  
  
"I only hate the people who try to destroy my paintings," the ghost aisha said. She led Flutter to a door. "This is a side entrance. You can leave from here and get home safely without the bullies catching you."  
  
"Thank you, Miss...miss..."  
  
"Prenderghast." the ghost aisha said. "You can come here any time you need a refuge from those cruel people, but if you betray my trust..."  
  
"Don't worry, Mrs. Prenderghast," Flutter said, turning back into a red aisha. "I'd never do a thing like that."  
  
After Flutter was gone, Mrs. Prenderghast scolded herself sharply. "You're becoming soft in your age!" she whispered harshly. "No good can come from befriending a living girl."  
  
But Flutter was a good aisha, and in her seven years had never even dreamed of touching one of Mrs. Prenderghast's paintings. She liked to ask the older aisha questions about them instead. "Where's this?" she would ask, pointing at a watercolor landscape.   
  
"Oh, that's a picture of Merry Acres Farm! Have you ever been there?"  
  
"No...who's that handsome-looking acara in the beret and checkered sweater?"  
  
...So Flutter wasn't afraid, when she climbed the old, rotting wooden steps and opened the front door of the haunted mansion.   
  
"Mrs. Prenderghast!" she exclaimed, flying into the drawing room. "There's a masked chia trying to get into your bank account, but he doesn't have your password. I told him I'd come over here and get it, but thought I should warn you first."  
  
"It's quite all right for him to get in there," Mrs. Prenderghast reassured her. "His name's the Phantom."  
  
"Why does he want your money?" Flutter asked. "He looks really shifty, if you ask me."  
  
Mrs. Prenderghast sighed and showed her the notice that had started the trouble in the first place. "The Phantom got one of these, too. He came over, suggesting that we join forces and think of a solution. The only thing we could come up with was paying the Happy Tuskaninny Developing Company for our land, so we could keep it. Since the Phantom has no money of his own, I sent him to see what I have in savings."  
  
"So what's the password?" Flutter asked. "I'd better get back there as soon as possible - he's causing quite a commotion!"  
  
Mrs. Prenderghast handed the rainbow aisha a slip of paper. Flutter hurried back to the Bank.  
  
The line had grown to twice its original size, and the Phantom was getting many odd glares and stares from his place on the floor. He was glad to see Flutter again.  
  
"Here it is," Flutter said, handing him the piece of paper.   
  
"Excuse me," said the Phantom, trying to get into the front of the line.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?!" the striped lenny at the head of the line demanded. "I was here first!"  
  
"That may be so, but - "  
  
"MANAGER!" the lenny squawked. The Phantom muttered some curses and headed to the end of the line. It was another twenty minutes (luckily for him, it was getting late and fewer people needed to do any transactions) before he was finally back at the teller skeith's desk.  
  
"I need to look into Mrs. Prenderghast's account," he said. "And I have her password, too!" He thrust the scrap of paper into the skeith's hand.  
  
The skeith went back into the vaults, and came back a few minutes later. "Madame Prenderghast has 75,000 NP in her account." he said. "Is that all?"  
  
The Phantom nodded.  
  
"All that trouble for one sentence," Flutter said, as she and the Phantom headed back to Mrs. Prenderghast's mansion. "75,000 NP! Is that good or bad?"  
  
"We'll find out," the Phantom said. They found Mrs. Prenderghast in the drawing room.   
  
"75,000 NP!" Mrs. Prenderghast exclaimed. "Why, when I died I had twice that much! It must've all been taken away through taxes!"  
  
"Is that enough to save your home?" Flutter asked.  
  
"I don't know," Mrs. Prenderghast said. "One of us will have to go and ask the Happy Tuskaninnies. I think it had better be you, Flutter. They won't want to talk to us."  
  
"Okay," Flutter said. She changed into a Cloud aisha and set back outside.  
  
Lord Luparn sank down onto a bench next to a red-brick building with a sign that read, "Guild Headquarters." Well, at least he had finally reached Neopia Central! But where was the hospital? He was getting very tired, from dragging a fully grown, armored lupe with him, never mind the weight of his own armor. If he didn't find the hospital soon, he'd need to go there himself!  
  
Unfortunately, the streets were almost empty, and it was getting dark. He dumped Jeran on the ground and went over to a lovely Cloud aisha with wings, who was slowly flying down the path.  
  
"Excuse me, miss, but can you direct me to the hospital?" he asked her.  
  
"Sure!" the aisha said. "It's that white building over there - the one with the red cross!" She pointed.  
  
Luparn struggled to pick Jeran back up. "I'll give you a hand, if you'd like!" the Cloud aisha said. Luparn really doubted that such a pretty, delicate creature would be much help, but agreed.  
  
"That would be fantastic, miss." he said, and together they dragged Sir Borodere through the doors of the hospital. They were the automatic kind that opened by themselves, which was a blessing.   
  
The waiting room was jam-packed, and the hospital was understaffed. An elephante in a crisp white uniform and one of those hats with a red cross on it was bustling around, reassuring the patients that their turn would come, and, no, they weren't going to die before then. Flutter and Lord Luparn found a spot on the floor, next to a spotted acara with Sneezles and a kougra who had been nearly killed in the Battledome. Everyone turned to stare at the strange lupes in medieval armor. Some figured that they must have gotten injured trying to put on a play in the Art Centre. Others thought that they must have gotten beaten in the Battledome. Flutter went to the desk, and Lord Luparn tried reading a torn and battered copy of "A Faerie Christmas". All of the good magazines were taken. The sneezly acara kept coughing and wheezing in his ear, and the kougra was bleeding all over the carpet.  
  
"Excuse me, can you repeat that name again?" Nurse Elephante asked Flutter, looking at her oddly.  
  
"Jeran Borodere." Flutter repeated.  
  
"No, his real name." the nurse said.  
  
"That's it." Flutter said. "What's the problem?"  
  
"Stop speaking nonsense!" the elephante said. "Please just tell me the poor lupe's real name - I'm a busy elephante!"  
  
"That is his real name!" Flutter insisted. "He's a knight from Meridell, and - "  
  
"Wait here a moment." Nurse Elephante called up the doctor on the phone system. "Can you come here, please? I think we have three more for the mental ward..."  
  
"I don't believe this." Lord Luparn said, cradling his head in his hands.  
  
"Achoo!" the acara sneezed again, covering him with mucus.   
  
Three minutes later, the doctor, a stressed-looking Gelert in a lab coat and carrying a black medical case, came out to see what the commotion was.  
  
"This aisha keeps insisting that she brought Sir Borodere here for treatment." the nurse explained.   
  
"Oh, just put that down as the name!" the Gelert cried. "We're running late as it is!"  
  
Lord Luparn was glad to see that the next patient who was called in was his neighbor, the Acara. It was another three hours before it was finally Jeran's turn.  
  
"And I thought the wait at the bank was long." Flutter remarked, as Doctor Gelert and Nurse Elephante loaded Jeran onto a stretcher. "I'd better get back to Mrs. Prenderghast. The Happy Tuskaninny Development Company will be closed by now."  
  
She remembered that Luparn wasn't familiar with her friends' plight, so she quickly filled him in on all of the details. "Hey, maybe you can come and stay with us." she said. "Seeing that the Phantom's money idea won't work, you can help us think of some new plans."  
  
Lord Luparn agreed, and they returned to Mrs. Prenderghast's mansion.   
  
"What do you think of our plans?" Mrs. Prenderghast asked, as she poured the lordly lupe a glass of lukewarm weevil coffee. "Which do you think we should follow through with? We don't have much time left."  
  
"I think that the Phantom's idea is your best chance." Luparn said. "Once Flutter comes back and tells us the price. But isn't the land supposed to be cheap around here?"  
  
"You're right!" Mrs. Prenderghast exclaimed. "I think the current price for plots is only a thousand NP. Then this should be easy!"  
  
However, they were proved wrong when Flutter came back in through the window, which Lord Luparn had forced open the night before, because the smell of dust was getting to him.  
  
"Well?" asked the Phantom. "How is it?"  
  
"I can't believe it." Flutter said. "The ordinary price for property in this area is 1000 NP, but - "  
  
"So what's the problem?" Lord Luparn asked.  
  
"But since you're dead, you need to pay a special 'death tax,' plus the cost of demolishing the buildings. That's about 400 NP a room, which brings the total cost of the plot we're on now to somewhere around 90,000 NP, even without the death tax. And since this is lakefront property, the price is about 5,000 NP higher."  
  
"Are you sure?" Luparn demanded. He took pen and paper, doing the calculations himself.  
  
"Well?" the Phantom asked.  
  
"It's actually 100,000 NP." Luparn said.  
  
"Now what are we going to do?!" Mrs. Prenderghast wailed. "There's no way we'll be able to earn 25,000 NP in half a week!"  
  
"Unless..." Lord Luparn said thoughtfully. Everyone turned to look at him expectantly.  
  
"Unless?" Flutter asked.  
  
"We'll have to ask King Skarl, but I think it might work." the noble lupe said, more to himself than to the others.  
  
"What?" the Phantom snapped. "Come on and tell us!"  
  
"Well, back in Meridell, we have been having problems with a certain evil skeith who keeps attack our villages and eating the livestock." Luparn explained. "Jeran was planning on raiding his fortress - I am certain that there will be treasure there. Maybe, if you two help us, Skarl will let you keep some of the gold! You can then use that, combined with the neopoints in your bank account, Madame Prenderghast, to save your property and we'll all be happy."  
  
"We may as well give it a try," the ghost aisha said doubtfully. "Sir...Jeran, you say? I think I have a portrait of him in the foyer. I think I inherited it from dear great-aunt Grishelda."  
  
Mrs. Prenderghast floated off to check, and left the others to their discussion.  
  
"We'll go see him in the morning," Flutter said.   
  
"Why doesn't that woman just sell a couple of these paintings she has lying around?" Lord Luparn wondered. "There's certainly enough of them."  
  
Flutter gave him a dirty look. Then she turned to the Phantom. "There's an old harpischord in the parlor." she said.  
  
"Why do you think I care?" the Phantom asked.  
  
"Because you're a musicain." Flutter shrugged.  
  
"And how would you know that?"  
  
"Because I used to hear you play sometimes, when I was little." the color-changing aisha said. "But why do you always play the same song?"  
  
"I don't remember anything else."  
  
"It's a pretty melody."  
  
"No, it's not. It's the most horrible thing I've ever written." snapped the Phantom. "Don't talk about things you know nothing about!"  
  
He ran out of the room. Lord Luparn shook his head. "What is his problem? Ah, well, it's not really my business. I'm going to try to get some sleep."   
  
Lord Luparn left, looking for a bedroom. Flutter was by herself. Why was that Phantom chia being so mean to her? She was just trying to be nice, like she was to everybody. She pushed it out of her mind and decided to go look at the painting with Mrs. Prenderghast.  
  
"You've got to be out of your mind!" Jeran exclaimed, when Lord Luparn told him of their new plan. "King Skarl will never willingly part with 25,000 NP! It's hard enough getting him to cough up my paycheck every month."  
  
"Then he's not going to be too happy about your hospital bills," Flutter observed.  
  
"I'm going to have to pay for those myself." the lupe said. "That doctor still doesn't believe who I am."  
  
"If there's lots of jewels and treasure in Lord Jerkoff's lair, then maybe he won't mind paying us a little...finder's fee?" Flutter suggested. "What's 25,000 NP out of millions and millions and millions, after all?"  
  
"You might as well ask him," Lord Luparn said. "Let's head back to Mrs. Prenderghast's house."  
  
The three of them set off, but they ran into Nurse Elephante in the hallway.  
  
"Where do you think you're going, sir?" she asked, slightly out of breath. "And have you seen a baby Peophin anywhere? The little twit escaped from the examining room when Dr. Gelert tried to give him a Neggitus vaccine."  
  
"I'm sorry, we haven't seen anybody fitting that description." Flutter said. "Want me to help look for him?"  
  
"Can you? That'd be a great help, miss. Now..." the elephante nurse turned back to Jeran. "Who gave you permission to get out of bed, never mind start roaming the halls - "  
  
"I have to return to Meridell castle and take these adventurers to King Skarl." Borodere replied. "Now, if you'll excuse us - "  
  
"And why are you wearing that silly medieval armor?" Nurse Elephante asked. "Nobody fights like that these days - they use ray guns and rotten carrots. Atrocious!"  
  
"Rotten carrots?" Flutter asked. "Never heard of that one before."  
  
"Or muffins - things that belong in a kitchen, at any rate! Still...you're not going anywhere, Sir Knight. Not until your shoulder heals, and that's not going to be for another week, at the very least. Now go!"  
  
Flutter and Lord Luparn watched the motherly Elephante grab Jeran by the arm and drag him down the hall. Flutter turned to Luparn.   
  
"I'll meet you back at Mrs. Prenderghast's house, as soon as I find that peophin. Really, I think a few seconds pain from a shot is a lot better than a week's worth of misery. I had neggitus before, and it's no picnic...there he is!"  
  
While the lupes had been arguing with the nurse, the little peophin had been peeking at them from behind a water cooler. Flutter flew after him, narrowly colliding with Dr. Gelert, who was pushing a rather voluable old eyrie in a wheel chair.  
  
"Without Sir Jeran, I don't think we have a chance of eliminating this evil skeith." the Phantom said, once Flutter and Lord Luparn were back. "Mrs. Prenderghast and I are not fighters, nor are you, Flutter?"  
  
"No, I was never very interested in the Battledome." Flutter said.  
  
"Typical girl, eh?" Luparn said. "No, you just don't like hurting people."  
  
"Either way, this means that it would all be up to you." Mrs. Prenderghast said. "But you were not able to stop Lord Jerkoff in the village, so why would you have a better chance now? If you don't want to help us, we'll understand." "No, of course I want to help you!" Luparn exclaimed. "We should head to Meridell right away - we'll get there before dark, if we hurry."  
  
The strange party of four headed out.  
  
"What do you mean, that Jeran's still in the hospital?!" King Skarl snapped, when Lord Luparn walked into the throne room. "And who're these miscreants?"  
  
One by one, the adventurers introduced themselves, and Mrs. Prenderghast explained their trouble.   
  
"And you really think that a ghost aisha, a freak chia and an aisha maid stand a chance against one of Meridell's most vicious criminals?!" King Skarl demanded. "You've got to be kidding me."  
  
"We're not, sir," Flutter piped up timidly. "We really mean to do this."  
  
"If you die, I'm not responsible," the king said, after a long period of thought. "All right, go up to the library and look at Jeran's files. They're on the table. You'll find the location of Jerkoff's lair there."  
  
They thanked him and followed a Draik guard to the library. Sure enough, there was a leather-bound tome in plain view. Luparn grabbed it and flipped it open happily - so far, this little adventure was going quite well. However, there was one major problem.  
  
"His true calling in life should have been a doctor," the Phantom said. "I can't read a word of his writing!"  
  
"Is that a Q or a Z?" Mrs. Prenderghast asked, squinting.  
  
"How can you mix up a Q and a Z?" Flutter wondered. "Hey, it's really a W!"  
  
"Is this even in English?" Luparn asked. They spent a good five hours staring at the book and trying to figure it out, but with no sucess.   
  
"It's a shame," Mrs. Prenderghast said. "We're running out of time. I guess our only choice is to go back to Neopia Central and ask him to read it to us!"  
  
"Maybe the king - ?" Flutter began, but Lord Luparn interrupted her.  
  
"Let's not press our luck." he said.  
  
"You can all stay up here, and I'll do it." Flutter said. She took the book and went back down to the throne room. She came back up a couple minutes later, armed with a second scroll that had the translation.  
  
"Why does everybody say that Skarl's such a nasty guy?" Flutter asked, putting everything back on the table. "He doesn't seem all that bad to me."  
  
"That is because you're a pretty aisha, my dear." Mrs. Prenderghast said.  
  
"Yes, and they always get their way," the Phantom muttered under his breath. Flutter gave him an odd look.  
  
"Anyway, here's a map of Meridell." she said. "The X is where the entrance to the lair is."  
  
"That seems incredibly straightforward," Mrs. Prenderghast said doubtfully.  
  
"That's a good thing!" Lord Luparn cried, obviously in high spirits. "Let's go!"  
  
They stopped to pick up a good amount of elixirs and healing potions before setting off to find the lair.  
  
It wasn't long before they came to an eerie-looking cave.  
  
"Is this it?" Flutter asked. "I was expecting something kind of..grander. You know, a big, scary castle with lightning clouds and ghosts!"  
  
"Let's see where this goes first," Luparn said. They had to duck their heads to get through, and several times Flutter bumped her ear stalks. At the end of the cave was a wide field. They trekked through it, and finally arrived at their destination.  
  
"Now this is more like it!" Flutter breathed. They were standing in front of the biggest, creakiest, eeriest haunted castle they had ever seen. It even put Mrs. Prenderghast's mansion to shame.   
  
"How are we going to get in, march up through the front door?" the Phantom asked.   
  
"Let's search for a back entrance." Flutter suggested. They found a hatch leading into the cellars.  
  
"This seems almost too easy," said Mrs. Prenderghast fretfully.  
  
"Relax!" Luparn said. "Don't worry!"  
  
They continued through the steep, grey catacombs, until they came to a perfectly ordinary wooden door. Luparn was about to fling it open, when Mrs. Prenderghast grabbed his arm.   
  
"I knew it!" she whispered. "There's...something...behind that door!"  
  
"What kind of something?" the Phantom asked.  
  
"Some kind of monster," Mrs. Prenderghast said.  
  
"Let's turn -" Flutter began, but then there was a loud clicking sound. "What was that?!"  
  
"The sound of the hatch locking," the Phantom said.  
  
"Now what do we do?" Flutter asked,full of anxiety.  
  
"Well, if we can't go back, we gotta go forward!" the Phantom exclaimed. "And Sir Luparn here can kill the monster for us."  
  
Slowly, very carefully (if there had been a keyhole, Luparn would've looked through it first), and centimeter by centimeter, the Lupe opened the door.  
  
Lounging behind it was the biggest, hugest, furriest, brownest and blackest spider any of them had ever seen. It was at least as big as Lord Jerkoff himself. It was covered in several tiny clusters of filmy eyes, and behind it was the most gigantic web any of them had ever seen. Stuck to the web were several silk-wrapped packages, obviously of dead and decaying neopets who had also tried to get past the hideous spider. The spider probably ate them at his leisure, when there were no adventurers around.  
  
"This must be why it was so easy to sneak in through the back door!" the Phantom said. "No one has probably ever gotten past it before! If anyone has, they probably died from the poison soon after!"  
  
"Who cares about that, we just need to kill it!" Flutter cried. "...And what did you say about poison!?"  
  
There was no chance for the conversation to go on, forever, for the mutated spider finally noted their presence. "Ghakahahaga..." it moaned, slobbering all over the floor. "Lahgakahhahahh..."  
  
Luparn drew his sword, still covered in blood from when he had fought Lord Jerkoff, only half a week ago. "Die, spider!" he cried, slashing at its legs. The spider, despite being big and huge and freakishly terrifying, wasn't all that bright. It thought that the stinging pains in its legs were coming from the Phantom, who was actually standing by the wall with Mrs. Prenderghast, holding a puce elixir at the ready. It exposed its back to Luparn, who took full advantage of the situation, and leapt into the air, then hacked at the spider's back. Bright, watery green liquid oozed out of the cuts and mixed with the spit on the ground.   
  
The spider finally set its sights on the attacker. "Gakahahanamaah!" it wailed, and managed to hit Luparn with its poison stinger. The lupe was taken by surprise, and unconciously reached out with his free paw to trace the nasty scratch on his face. The spider took everyone by surprise and leapt on the knight.   
  
"Ugh," Flutter said, looking away. "That must've crushed him!"  
  
"Shut up," the Phantom snapped, and he ran over with his elixirs. "Here, Luparn, take one!"  
  
The battered and mangled lupe managed to grasp one with his free paw, and Flutter turned herself into a Mutant Aisha, so she could join the fray. Mrs. Prenderghast and the Phantom kept themselves busy tossing elixirs. It actually didn't take too long before the spider was just a -very- stinking corpse.   
  
"Are you okay?" Flutter asked the lupe knight, turning back into a red aisha.   
  
"Yes, fine." Luparn said. "Now, let me hack through this spiderweb and we can get moving again."  
  
He raised the sword and it took a whole ten minutes before there was even a little hole big enough for each member of their party to squeeze through. Flutter tried to ignore the half-eaten body of a kougra that was dangling above the exit. The door on the other side of the room was extremely rusty, but Luparn managed to get it open. It led to a long corridor full of jail cells. Most of them were empty, although one here and there had a dead body in them. Mrs. Prenderghast stopped to look into a cell containing a yellow lupe that was lying half on the bunk and half on the floor. The Phantom stopped walking to see what was so interesting about it.  
  
"Come on," Luparn said. "We need to get on with this in case there are more traps!"  
  
"But this lupe is still alive!" Mrs. Prenderghast exclaimed. "We can't just leave him here."  
  
"We can come back to get him when we defeat Lord Jerkoff." Luparn said impatiently. Mrs. Prenderghast sighed and gave in, but when Flutter flew past the cell, she screamed.  
  
"What is it?!" the Phantom demanded, whirling around.  
  
"He's got my leg!" Flutter cried.Luparn walked over and stomped on the lupe's paw.   
  
"...Princess!" the strange lupe moaned, and tried to grab onto Flutter again. Luparn used his sword to break the lock to the cell open, and the Phantom gave the lupe some of their elixirs. It took a good number of them, but within five minutes, he seemed to be okay again.  
  
"But Princess," he said to Flutter, sitting up on the bunk. "What are you doing back here? I thought I had you safely on the ship!"  
  
"I'm no Princess," Flutter said, and she changed into a cloud aisha. "You must have me confused with another red aisha."  
  
"Who are you, and what are you doing here in the first place?" the Phantom asked. "And how'd you get past that giant spider?"  
  
"If he's in a cell, most likely he never fought the spider in the first place," Lord Luparn pointed out.  
  
"No, I know which beast you're talking about." the lupe said. "I managed to get past him, only to find the biggest skeith I've ever seen on this side of the door. He threw me in this cell, and I don't know how long ago that was."  
  
"Who are you, anyway?" Flutter asked with interest. "Did you come here looking for this Princess?"  
  
"My name is Arvakis," the lupe said. "I am an Admiral in the queen's fleet of - "  
  
"Queen?" Luparn asked. "I can't think of a single country in Neopia right now that has a Queen."  
  
"That's not important," the Phantom said. "We can sort all of that out later."  
  
"And the princess -?" Flutter prompted.  
  
"She was kidnapped by another aisha named Riyella." Arvakis said. "The ransom was ridiculous - somewhere around 900,000 NP in gold. The royal family sent me to rescue her. I distinctly remember finding her in a cell somewhere - not here, on the floor below - and carrying her back to the ship. That is why I was so distressed to see you."  
  
"And if you found the princess you were looking for, then why did you come back here?" the Phantom asked.  
  
"I also wanted to rescue at least some of my crew, but most of them were caught and eaten by that spider."  
  
"I see you have a sword on you," Lord Luparn said. "That's good - it means I won't be the only fighter in this group any more."  
  
"Pardon my asking, by why are you in this castle?" the admiral asked. This time it was Mrs. Prenderghast who quickly outlined the events before. Arvakis managed to get to his feet and Lord Luparn led them down the cell hallway into the next room. Nothing very eventful happened, until they finally came up to what appeared to be a throne room.  
  
Seated on the throne, draped in very expensive furs and with huge rings on each finger, was a white aisha. The Phantom gasped and took a step backward. Flutter turned to look at him in surprise.  
  
"What's wrong?" she asked.  
  
"I don't believe it! It's....it's Riyella!" the Phantom exclaimed. "My old lost love Riyella!"  
  
"She seems to be doing much better in life than you are," Lord Luparn remarked drily.   
  
"I don't think she even reconizes you," Mrs. Prenderghast said.  
  
"No, I don't have a clue what a bunch of commoners like you are doing in my private chamber," the white aisha said, in a stuck-up voice. "And who are you anyway, chia?"  
  
"You don't remember me?! You left me at the altar!" the Phantom roared. "How can you not remember someone that you jilted?!"  
  
"Oh, right. That composing loser who lived in a shed and bought me a cheap plastic ring. I'm deserving of so much more than that."  
  
"And I would have provided it...all you needed to do was wait!" the Phantom cried.   
  
"Well, you don't seem to have done much better since I've last seen you," Riyella sneered. "A beautiful girl like me needs the best! Diamonds and furs and expensive chocolates...and I'm smart enough to find someone who can provide it. Jerky!" she called. "There's a bunch of filthy...peasants in my room! How dare you let them get in here?! I need to be surrounded by beauty!"  
  
The door to the room swung open (the "peasants" had arrived through a hatch in the floor) and in stumped Lord Jerkoff, still heavily wounded from his fight with Sir Borodere. Lord Luparn hardly reconized him.  
  
"Yes, dear?" he asked the white aisha meekly.  
  
"What do you THINK?! Eliminate them this instant!" she practically spat back at him.   
  
"Find a new girlfriend, Jerkoff!" the Phantom exclaimed. "Find one that'll appreciate you for your brains - or lack thereof - instead of your wallet!"  
  
The massive skeith looked undecided as to whether he wanted to go after the invaders or not.   
  
"Go on, you big fool! Get rid of them!" Riyella screeched. "Go!"  
  
"But...uh...won't that leave bloodstains on the white rug?" the skeith asked dumbly.  
  
"I don't care! GET RID OF THEM!" Riyella roared. "Now!"  
  
"Don't listen to this little witch," the Phantom said. "You know what? I always knew she was a sickening little brat, but now I feel free to admit it. Isn't life grand, Flutter? You're twice as lovely as she ever was, and three times as beautiful as she is now, the old hag."  
  
"I TOLD YOU TO KILL THEM!" Riyella yelled at Jerkoff. "And make sure to kill this Chia last - slowly and painfully!"  
  
"I won't do it." the skeith said hesitantly.   
  
"What do you mean, you won't do it, you fool? You're not going to obey my orders?!" Riyella stared at him.  
  
"Just that - I won't let you use me any more! Sir," Jerkoff turned to Lord Luparn, who was leaning against the marble wall and watching the episode unfold rather uncomfortably. "Do you want to know why I raided all those villages? It was to buy things for her. Her last husband - he was a politician - he was so desperate for money to keep her shrouded in luxury that he kidnapped a foreign princess -and that was to be his undoing! The princess's mother sent a ship of highly trained warriors to - "  
  
"Then it was her," Admiral Arvakis said slowly. "Very interesting...."  
  
"What is?" Flutter asked, feeling confused.  
  
"You probably were going to kill the princess after getting the ransom money, simply because she was more beautiful than you were!" Arvakis said. "How pitiful."  
  
"Childishly pathetic," Mrs. Prenderghast added, her voice full of disaproval.   
  
To have a band of commoners break into her house and reveal the truth to her in such a blunt fashion was too much for poor Riyella. She leapt up from the throne and ran through the open door into the hallway and was never seen again.  
  
Lord Jerkoff stood there, looking embarrassed. "Uh...see all of the gold and silver ornaments in this room? You can take it. You know, sort of as payment for making me see the light. I was a respected nobleman before she came along. I wasn't very interested in her at first, but she kind of threw herself at me, and...well, you know..."  
  
Flutter looked around at the beautiful ornaments in awe and wonder. "We can pay the price of Mrs. Prenderghast's house ten times over with this! And give some to the King, of course."  
  
"What...what do you think he's going to do to me?" Jerkoff asked nervously.  
  
"We'll find out when we get back to Meridell Castle," Lord Luparn said. They left the evil outpost, this time through the front door, and took the main roads back to Skarl's castle, where the King was very surprised by this unexpected plot twist, and actually allowed Mrs. Prenderghast and the Phantom to take their share of the treasure. He didn't know what he was going to do with Lord Jerkoff yet, though.  
  
"Well, that's that," Lord Luparn said, and headed back to his manor. Admiral Arvakis decided to stay at Meridell Castle for a while, until he figured out what had happened to his former kingdom, fleet and the princess. Flutter, the Phantom and Mrs. Prenderghast hurried back to Neopia Central's bank, where they exchanged the gold ornaments for their weight in neopoints.  
  
"300,000 NP!" the Phantom exclaimed in satisfaction. "That should be enough."  
  
"With plenty to spare," Flutter added. "Let's go! For all we know the Happy Tuskaninnies may already be at work!"  
  
Flutter was right. The Phantom's chapel had already been destroyed, and now, instead of the chapel, there was a big pile of rubble.   
  
"What are they going to do with your paintings?" the Phantom asked Mrs. Prenderghast. "Are they going to sell them, or just let them get knocked down along with the house?"  
  
"They had better not put a paw on my paintings!" the ghost aisha growled, and they ran as fast as they could to Mrs. Prenderghast's mansion. The machines were already set up, and there was a long line of uniformed acaras and bruces carrying away paintings.  
  
"What do you think you're doing?!" Mrs. Prenderghast demanded, gliding right up to the foreman.   
  
"You didn't raise any objections, so we have every right to knock down your house!" the foreman said smugly. "And you can bring it to court if you like, but there's nothing you can do about - "  
  
"How about this?" Flutter asked, holding out a sack of neopoints. "Is this enough to convince you that she raised an objection?"  
  
"H-how much is that?" the foreman stuttered.  
  
"Oh, somewhere around 100,000 NP." Flutter said. "I believe that's how much this house is worth? It'll be yours if you just put down the paintings and go away."  
  
"Even if you get fired, you can live on the interest for the rest of your life," the Phantom pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, I'll take it!" the foreman said, and ordered the bruces and acaras to stop what they were doing and move on to the next project. Once they were gone, Mrs. Prenderghast busied herself fixing the paintings back into their proper places.  
  
"I feel kind of bad that we bribed him," Flutter said. "But we really had no other choice, did we? I mean, if we came earlier, we would have went to the offices and did it all the official way. And where are you going to live now, Phantom?"  
  
"I don't know," the masked chia replied thoughtfully. "After that little episode with Riyella, I didn't really want to return there anyway. It reminds me of her too much."  
  
"Maybe you can buy the land and use the extra neopoints to build yourself a real house," Mrs. Prenderghast said happily, hanging up her portrait of her dear Uncle Leio and trying to decide if it was crooked.   
  
"Actually, I was going to ask Flutter if she would marry me," the Phantom said apologetically.  
  
"You...what?!" Flutter cried in shock. "But I thought you didn't even like me!"  
  
"I didn't at first," the Phantom admitted. "See, you reminded me too much of Riyella. But during the course of our little journey, I realized that you're really very different...and nice...and you certainly wouldn't abandon a poor composer at the altar. I'm sorry that I can't afford a ring yet, but if you'd wait, I can use some of this money to buy one for you..."  
  
"Don't worry about a little thing like that!" Flutter said. "But I already have a Neohome, so let's head there."  
  
The newly engaged couple said goodbye to Mrs. Prenderghast and left her to her work.   
  
THE END. 


End file.
